Yes, I see you. I see you killing it. I am genuinely happy for you and your success with these horses. It is no small feat to become an amazing team with these animals. We literally sit on their back and control them enough to go through a barrel pattern.
Control them enough, but not right.. not enough control, too much control, not the proper headgear, too stiff, not stiff enough, too much rate, not enough rate, ok were bent, its in the wrong places now, oh wait. I don’t know.
It’s no wonder why this sport, that can look so effortless is so not effortless. We all work hard ok. Why does she and he seem to always get it right? Why is he able to start horses so perfect with no steps backwards? That horse and rider keep progressing just as those damn training videos online intended.
We try our faces off. We try our hands to calluses and wrinkles. We try with over heating and sunburns for days. We try with this horse, we try with that horse. We just try. And yet, sometimes it is just so damn hard. It’s hard to get the balance we need in order to look effortless. The right gear, the right training, the right mindset, the right physical abilities of both horse and rider. The balance is the key to our success. No wonder why it takes years of hard trying to figure our this game of training and running barrel horses.
When set backs present themselves, and trust me they do. What’s a girl supposed to do?
Grit her way through the constant feeling of unworthiness? Or maybe watch a few more training videos because at this point all second guessing our abilities thus far has come creeping in, do we even know what the hell were doing on this horse anymore? What is even what!?
That “what” is hard. That is the hard I am referring to. The hard self reflection, the hard realizations, the hard competitions, the hard comparisons, it’s all just freaking hard.
I am not going to waver though and I am not going to pretend it’s any other way. That would be a lie and a fake image I’m trying to portray to others who are feeling the hardness of this game as well. We are not alone in this. I feel it, sometimes more then I want. I wonder, what is this bullshit trying to teach me now? I already feel like I am below earth, why try to ground me down even more? I AM HERE, OK. Give this poor trying girl a break..Can it just be easier yet?
When life throws us curves and who knows, maybe even stones, or a boulder. What is the reaction you want to give off into the universe?
If I go to the place of my own mental bullying, then that will always win. My own dumb thoughts of negativity saying i’m not goo enough, I don’t think I’ll ever get it right, what are you even doing here, you try so hard and yet, look.. What do you have, Shelby?! YA, thoughts can be so dumb.
What I really need to do is remember.
For someone who has a terrible memory, this gift and curse of mine needs to be put in check from time to time. I need to remember MORE! More goodness, more joy and just more of ME. Me being awesome, me being proud of myself, me trying and not giving up no matter what, my accomplishments and all the history of this being that I am. At the end of the day, at the end of time, Me is all I have.
Remember that shit. Remember that time you dropped your life to move to the USA to work for trainers in order to learn and grow as a human and rider? Ya, I do. Remember the time you took this horse and made it something someone else wanted to buy? Yes. Remember that your life is worth living and you have the opportunity to make with it what you want?!!! Yes, I do remember that. Remember the birds, the moon, your dog, your horse, your fields, your friends, your support system.. YOU! Do you remember YOU?
If you’re going to try anything, try remembering more. More of you. The challenges you have faced already, the ones you have overcome.
You have done it! You can freaken do it again. You’ve done it before, you can and you will overcome this hardness again.
Life isn’t easy, don’t even try to change that because you simply can’t. Just like you can’t change your horse in one run or the placement of the moon. These things take time and if you’re reading this, lucky for you, you have the gift of time. Remember how rewarding the hard process is when the other side welcomes you with open arms. When you can finally say “Look! We did it.”
Hard = Learning and what are we without it? We can do the hard things. We can overcome it and we can win!
Give me your thoughts! Leave a comment. I want to hear you say “we can do hard things”