A series of negative thoughts.. they usually wind us down, down a path to self loath, misery, despair. Are you even of aware of it going on?
Suddenly we wake up to another day wasted, another day beating ourselves down for not doing the things, or being the person we want to be. All of a sudden we feel ourselves back down into the hole we just climbed ourselves out of.
It can be an exhausting game of pushing the boulder up the hill only to be inches away from the peak before it rolls all the way back down.
I don’t know about you, but I am tired of that grind. I am tired of trying so hard.
So, what do you do?
Awareness and understanding are the two words I want you to remember.
Awareness is realizing when your thoughts start bringing you down to an unhelpful place. It’s taking a mental step back to see your mind as a whole picture. Creating an objective perspective of your thoughts will help you see when and why these thoughts come in and ruin your day and your momentum, leading to the boulder falling back down to the beginning of the hill.
Once we see and realize what our silly little mind has done with us, we can then begin to correct and change the thought paths that bring us to this pit of negativity. Understanding how to navigate the thoughts is the second step to catching ourselves before the boulder slips out of our fingers once again.
This step is the step that brings change.
Understanding is also compassion. It is the ability to see yourself and guide yourself to a place of self love, trust, belief, and strength in your ability to be your greater self in most, if not all of life encounters.
The fall helps us see and realize what is important. So if you are in the phase of the boulder still falling every day that is ok! It is actually great because you need it to see what that side feels like so then you can choose and make the conscious decision to change your current reality.
Because remember you have the power to change, your mind, your beliefs, your views and ultimately act upon those to change your whole entire life. I know it sounds too good to be true. But it will take a lot of work and diligence to honouring your potential and never giving up on it.
Once you develop the awareness and the understanding to cope, you will have levelled up your spirituality and your closeness to the energy that creates everything. Your hardships, your conquerers, they all stem from the same source. It is up to us then to use your energy to shift your current state to one that brings prosperity. It is available to you any second you want it.
With this work I believe in you, wholeheartedly that you can overcome any hill, you can bring a greater understanding of self in everything you do and you can be the change, starting with you, that you want to see in your world.
Embrace the journey of self-awareness and understanding.
Take the first step today to recognize and alter your negative thought patterns. Believe in your power to change, and commit to a path of self-compassion and growth. The transformation of your life starts now—choose to be the change you want to see in your world.
I’m in the worst riding shape of my life, yet I feel I am riding and competing better then ever before.. why?
For context, I had a baby this past winter. I was pregnant for the most part of the summer and stopped riding around October, 4 months in. My due date was March 30 which prepared me for a slow start to the racing season and I was ok with that. However, the universe had other plans and my daughter entered the world January 23. Spending 2 months in the hospital I hardly looked or thought about horses.
Fast forward to now.
I didn’t know if I would run at the first few Ontario shows. I couldn’t commit because I didn’t know if me or my horse would be ready enough. But after watching some big futurity livestreams, a fire was lit in my heart and I wanted to barrel race!
This time though, my mind felt different about it. I didn’t have a futurity horse for the first time since forever. I had my one derby horse who made my life fun and I was excited to solely focus on him.
So other then that what changed?
I took a break from riding. A break from the bad and the good habits I may have had, either mentally or technically.
It was a clean slate for me to pick back up from. I am thankful for the “excuse” such as a baby to take a break, step back and only be able to reflect on my past and reimagine my future. It helped me see my riding more clearly and also by watching others made me think how I don’t want to make mistakes in the arena anymore.
A mental reboot was a big piece to showing up on that first competition day and feeling “I got this”. It was like the errors I may have made in the past were no longer were close to me. All because I took a break, I watched others and I believed I could ride consistently on point as the top riders on YouTube.
The next thing.
I got into that arena with nothing to prove. Heck, it’s just a feat to be there and I feel I know everyone around me thought that.. maybe it’s not even true but either way, the pressure had disappeared. I go there with nothing to prove and yet, I ride better and more in flow then ever before.
It makes me wonder in the past years if I showed up with that mentality how things would have been different. Less pressure, more enjoyment and more success because I am simply enjoying myself without any external baggage dragging my performance down.
Maybe I don’t care as much as I did before. I don’t care in a good way. I don’t expect anything, I don’t worry about not being enough based on my results, I don’t feel like I “should” be anything or anyone. I’m honestly so happy just to BE. Even if I’m not as fit physically as I was before, it is proof that me fixating on the “keys” to success were partially all wrong.
Sure you need a certain set of keys to reach success, for me the only difference is now I found the keys within, not with my fitness level.
I learned that the answer to riding better wasn’t with doing this or that, it was with being and showing up with a different perspective.
And perspective is free, you can create it in a instant and it is the one of best tools for a good life.
I’m excited to keep on riding this pressure free, enjoyment seeking,I’m happy to simply be there perspective ride. Maybe you can to?
I always knew competition would show all the shadows in my life. That’s why I feel so deeply that personal development is the root and the starting point for all the external results we want to achieve; either in the arena or life in general.
In the arena, we cannot fake anything and we cannot pretend. It is us, our horses, the clock, cow, judge, obstacles; whatever your discipline is. There are no faking results. That is one reason why I love competition, it calls out all the BS. It shows where I lack, either in the actual arena or in the many “arenas” of my life.
If you’re not confident, your riding performance will show that, if you have anxiety about being seen, your performance will show that. In so many ways, our development as a human is needed if we are to overcome our own set of obstacles to really shine and thrive!
This brings me to a quick story about why I was not performing well. I think after many years, I finally have my answers as to why. To back track, this takes us roughly 4 years ago. I went to the USA to work for a few futurity trainers and I came home thinking I knew everything there was to know about barrel racing.
I did learn a lot, but when it was my time to shine and show off how much better I was than everyone else, it was a total disaster.. No kidding. I had a 4 year old futurity horse I could hardly get a qualifying run on and if we did manage to turn three barrels, it was definitely not fast. I was so embarrassed and confused after every run being a let down. “What was I missing in this?” I asked myself. I reached a state of very unhappy and hopeless. Before I ran I wondered why I was even going into that arena and as you can imagine my performance kept reinforcing this mental state I was trapped in.
Eventually, after many realizations and major humbling, I overcame this mental block. Slowly we scratched off the possibilities that were causing this unfortunate hiccup. First we looked at the horse; after a vet and a variety of therapeutic treatments later, she was in the clear. Now who else do we have to blam? Oh ya, it was me.
This brings me to the big thing I realized was missing those many years ago. I am trying not to be embarrassed to say this, but it was self-love. Like, the real self love. To help explain the definition of what I was going through, I will tell you what it is not. It was myself not taking care of “me.” I was unable to fill my own cup up, so I turned to external factors. I wanted my barrel racing to fill my self esteem. I wanted other people to make me feel qualified enough to be here(like being born isn’t enough already..). I wanted support from a partner to allow me to feel loved and supported because really, I was unable to do it for myself. I thought I needed all these things to reach victory in the arena. I learned that even if I had all these things on my side; they wouldn’t fix the bigger issue going on within myself internally.
This was a “me vs me” journey I had to face.
Before this realization, I always felt personally attacked when my barrel racing runs didn’t go well. I took it to heart as a reflection of my self-worth; hello unnecessary pressure. I became so reliant on “winning” that if I wasn’t getting that “win” I was miserable and felt no love, either from others or simply myself. If I wasn’t winning in the arena, I could hardly stand to look at myself. Sounds crazy right? But it’s a very real thing we face in lots of areas, not just riding. But like I said before, our life outside of riding reflects ourselves on the inside of it too!
I learnt that we can get caught up wanting external factors to make us feel certain ways about ourselves; worthiness, beautiful, love etc.. But the problem is, when we don’t get those things we lose it all. But, here is the ticket; if we create those feelings within ourselves first, nothing outside can take that away from us; not a run, not a person, not any external circumstances – it is solely an inside job.
A quote from this book I’m reading called Spirit Hacking By Shaman Durek said “?If you’re wanting people to honour your time and your gifts, then you need to honour your time and you need to honour your gifts.” Aka it starts with you.
Moving forward, I have become so sure of myself and my journey I don’t take defeat in any arenas of life personally anymore. I take everything that happens as a necessary lesson for me to grow and I am just grateful I get the opportunity to try again. I will change and pivot in order to become better. The difference is now, my internal state is solid while I am traveling down this path that is inevitably full of ups and downs.
Once I became so sure of myself, and let go of the “need” to win; the craziest thing started to happen – I actually started winning! I started riding with confidence no matter the outcome, I just felt lighter and at ease with my journey. All the pressure of competition just swept away from me because the competition result didn’t have the weight of my self worth riding on it. This new me started with self love. And that’s loving all aspects of this, the highs and lows. It’s understanding the path we’re on and feeling at ease with it knowing it is all for our higher good.
I hope you can move forward, no matter what happens and still feel ok about yourself. You are already complete. When it becomes an inside job and you rely on yourself to bring you the internal feeling of success, nothing can take that away. And that’s when you know you have reached true success! When that happens, life becomes easier and the things you want will come to you as they are supposed to. Always remember to enjoy the ride.
At the end of the day, who do you report back to? Who do you share your day with and judge whether it was good or not?
To answer that simply, ask another question: Who are you trying to hopefully keep alive, healthy and well? That hopefully, is You.
You are the centre, you are the controller of your own life.
I am here to call out those who make excuses for where they are today. I would ask those individuals what did you do yesterday? What did you do this past month? This past year or ten years to bring you here?
it is easy to blame, to use outside circumstances as a way to get out of why you are where you are. Why you aren’t as healthy as you’d like to be, why you aren’t as happy as you like to be, why you aren’t as alive as you’d like to be.. but at the end of the day, who do you have to sit with and be honest with — yourself.
You can lie to them, but you can’t lie to yourself.
You can pretend to them and make them believe you are someone you are not. You can take those small actions you know deep down are not helpful, but you do them anyway, of course, you can! You are the creator, you are a part of the creator. The creator’s energy sits inside all of us humans on earth. — You are the creator of your destiny.
Yet, we pass the Paton on to some outside circumstance. “this thing right here is why I am how I am.” Leaving you with no responsibility; just the way you like it.
But, at the end of it all, you are still responsible for you. In today’s world of knowledge being so incredibly accessible, you have no excuses anymore. Well, the only excuse might be that “I hold my progress back. I am closed-minded to new possibilities. I struggle to be responsible for my actions.” The list can go on and they are very worthy, but, do they belong in truth?
I just have one small example I am going to share, it’s so basic you might even laugh. But it helped spark this topic idea and my desire to sit down and write it down.. so here it goes.
Iwas in the shower this morning. To backtrack I also recently got my hair coloured at a salon. The lady said it is best not to use really hot water on your hair as it will damage it further. (who else has been told this) Along with 100 other things we are told are good or bad with good reasoning too! It’s not just made-up rules, these suggestions if you will, are backed by facts and it would be best if you listened to them and tried to implement them in your day to day.
So there I am, kind of cold and wanting that water scorching. But the hairstylist came into my mind, her warning to not use hot water on your hair. At that moment I had two choices; I could listen to her advice, or I could ignore it. Both options would lead to a certain set of consequences.
Option one was a positive consequence, I don’t damage my hair. However, the second consequence is I further damage my hair and then complain about it in a few months. Both are my choice, both lead to consequences I am responsible for. The hairstylist isn’t going to barge into my shower and yell at me for having the water too hot, she quite frankly doesn’t care what I do with that knowledge. Heck, she might even want me to damage my hair quicker so I go back to her sooner to help me fix the problem. But what is that what’s best?
What would I prefer in the long run?
I would say I want healthy hair; therefore I will be accountable for it and make sure I don’t use hot water like it was suggested.
It’s the small things.
Realizing you are in control. You report back to You at the end of the day. If you feel the need to blame someone or something, just pause and ask yourself “What was my part in all of this?” “What STILL is my part in all of this?” “Are there things I could do differently or do better?”
Those answers will vary, but it could be as simple as I need to learn more. I need to be open-minded to more information, perspectives and ideas. Or, it could be “I need to make choices that serve my future self, my higher self, my truest self. I need to be kinder to me and take care of me. I need to love myself more and act in accordance to that love.”
There is no one answer.
But it all lies within you. You are in more control than you give yourself credit for.
No one is coming to save you, but you can save yourself.
Believe in your power and own it! You have a lot to give.
As I was walking towards the barn one day, my feet were sinking a few inches into the newly laid snow. It was a beautiful winter morning where I looked around, feeling and breathing in all the “thank yous” for this moment. It can be so beautiful when we realize and feel the true moment of right here, right now.
This short story gives a lesson of trusting new paths
Sometimes I am a person who NEEDS to see exactly where I am going before I take any steps towards it. I need to know the most, feel prepared the most, and usually not even follow through because I don’t see it as clearly as I want to.
I had this fully body realization that has changed my perspective of this thought, or inner obstacle that had been slowing me down.
I will say first that I think we do need a plan, we need to know what we want in the future. But in my case, the need for the plan actually stoped me from taking ACITON. Which is the final step to any manifestation you want to bring, so action is really important. And one I have been missing out on doing, because hey, it can be scary to start living as someone you haven’t lived like before in this life.
When I started to walk back from the barn I wanted to play a game to see if I could walk naturally in the same footsteps I took getting there. As I was trying to walk the same path I realized it was quite challenging to place each foot exactly in the imprint I had made earlier. I thought “walking on clean snow where I didn’t see the step was easy. But trying to step in places I knew were there was way harder.”
Was this relating to life?
I think so; I felt the difference. It was an easy experiment that left me pondering if I had been too focused trying to step in a spot I could see clearly that I was missing the idea that new paths are always on fresh snow. I had to walk my own path and be ok not seeing the full picture but believing and trusting in the steps that I am taking.
I think trust is a big key. We will talk more about the power of trust. Trusting what has happened and what is happening to you. Trust and relax the process, it hasn’t been laid out yet in the snow for you to see but your path is there for you to create.
We are all trail blazers in our own way, will you own your path and walk it with confidence?
I always knew competition would show all the shadows in my life. That’s why I feel so deeply that personal development is the root and the starting point for all the external results we want to achieve; either in the arena or life in general.
In the arena, we cannot fake anything and we cannot pretend. It is us, our horses, the clock, cow, judge, obstacles; whatever your discipline is. There are no faking results. That is one reason why I love competition, it calls out all the BS. It shows where I lack, either in the actual arena or in the many “arenas” of my life.
If you’re not confident, your riding performance will show that, if you have anxiety about being seen, your performance will show that. In so many ways, our development as a human is needed if we are to overcome our own set of obstacles to really shine and thrive!
This brings me to a quick story about why I was not performing well. I think after many years, I finally have my answers as to why. To back track, this takes us roughly 4 years ago. I went to the USA to work for a few futurity trainers and I came home thinking I knew everything there was to know about barrel racing.
I did learn a lot, but when it was my time to shine and show off how much better I was than everyone else, it was a total disaster.. No kidding. I had a 4 year old futurity horse I could hardly get a qualifying run on and if we did manage to turn three barrels, it was definitely not fast. I was so embarrassed and confused after every run being a let down. “What was I missing in this?” I asked myself. I reached a state of very unhappy and hopeless. Before I ran I wondered why I was even going into that arena and as you can imagine my performance kept reinforcing this mental state I was trapped in.
Eventually, after many realizations and major humbling, I overcame this mental block. Slowly we scratched off the possibilities that were causing this unfortunate hiccup. First we looked at the horse; after a vet and a variety of therapeutic treatments later, she was in the clear. Now who else do we have to blam? Oh ya, it was me.
This brings me to the big thing I realized was missing those many years ago. I am trying not to be embarrassed to say this, but it was self-love. Like, the real self love. To help explain the definition of what I was going through, I will tell you what it is not. It was myself not taking care of “me.” I was unable to fill my own cup up, so I turned to external factors. I wanted my barrel racing to fill my self esteem. I wanted other people to make me feel qualified enough to be here(like being born isn’t enough already..). I wanted support from a partner to allow me to feel loved and supported because really, I was unable to do it for myself. I thought I needed all these things to reach victory in the arena. I learned that even if I had all these things on my side; they wouldn’t fix the bigger issue going on within myself internally.
This was a “me vs me” journey I had to face.
Before this realization, I always felt personally attacked when my barrel racing runs didn’t go well. I took it to heart as a reflection of my self-worth; hello unnecessary pressure. I became so reliant on “winning” that if I wasn’t getting that “win” I was miserable and felt no love, either from others or simply myself. If I wasn’t winning in the arena, I could hardly stand to look at myself. Sounds crazy right? But it’s a very real thing we face in lots of areas, not just riding. But like I said before, our life outside of riding reflects ourselves on the inside of it too!
I learnt that we can get caught up wanting external factors to make us feel certain ways about ourselves; worthiness, beautiful, love etc.. But the problem is, when we don’t get those things we lose it all. But, here is the ticket; if we create those feelings within ourselves first, nothing outside can take that away from us; not a run, not a person, not any external circumstances – it is solely an inside job.
A quote from this book I’m reading called Spirit Hacking By Shaman Durek said “ ??If you’re wanting people to honour your time and your gifts, then you need to honour your time and you need to honour your gifts.” Aka it starts with you.
Moving forward, I have become so sure of myself and my journey I don’t take defeat in any arenas of life personally anymore. I take everything that happens as a necessary lesson for me to grow and I am just grateful I get the opportunity to try again. I will change and pivot in order to become better. The difference is now, my internal state is solid while I am traveling down this path that is inevitably full of ups and downs.
Once I became so sure of myself, and let go of the “need” to win; the craziest thing started to happen – I actually started winning! I started riding with confidence no matter the outcome, I just felt lighter and at ease with my journey. All the pressure of competition just swept away from me because the competition result didn’t have the weight of my self worth riding on it. This new me started with self love. And that’s loving all aspects of this, the highs and lows. It’s understanding the path we’re on and feeling at ease with it knowing it is all for our higher good.
I hope you can move forward, no matter what happens and still feel ok about yourself. You are already complete. When it becomes an inside job and you rely on yourself to bring you the internal feeling of success, nothing can take that away. And that’s when you know you have reached true success! When that happens, life becomes easier and the things you want will come to you as they are supposed to. Always remember to enjoy the ride.
The best Way to Let Go of Unnecessary pressure in Competition and Life
Nothing grows in the energy of “should.” I have officially dropped the pressure of my results of “should” and here is how.
I no longer NEED them in order to FEEL some type of way. I create the feeling within myself and now the outside does not determine the way I feel about myself anymore.
BUT, I just realized, as i am going through my business journey and purpose journey I am putting pressure on myself a lot. I feel “omg I need to get this going already” “I feel behind, I need to follow through” “I’m not getting any closer to it no matter what I do or how hard I try!” – Does this sound familiar??
In order to naturally progress in the right alignment for you, you need to simply allow. You need to do the work to prepare; day by day and moment to moment.
But, instead of pressure for race day or any day for that matter, you have a new goal!
Your goal is to breathe in, and breathe out. Do it now. Ok, feel that with everything you do. Remember, it will turn out ok. You’re not done, you’re never going to reach a “finish line” that all of a sudden you release the pressure.
Pressure is something you create. You can also choose NOW, to not create it.
What does that feel like? It feels like your’re moving with ease. It feels like you are where you’re supposed to be.
Without pressure there is enjoyment, no matter what. No matter if you “win” or “lose”, you are able to think clear enough to see the lessons and growth in it all.
Drop pressure, enjoy your moments and take it all stride by stride
What i’m referring to is the knowledge and the insight will always improve. It will evolve just like all creation. The knowledge now will be more advanced in 10 years, maybe only in 30 days, maybe every day on a smaller scale.
I went to a rider biomechanic workshop today, the information we are gaining is revolutionary to old school methods.
We are opening our eyes more.. By actually closing them a lot of the time.
We are becoming aware of so much more through subtle advancements and principles that affect us first as a human and more specifically, a rider. We are growing our landscape of possibilities with horses and that is the same for all of humankind. Just because it “what was” doesnt mean it needs to remain “what is”.
It starts with a good, go-to book you can fully express yourself in.
It represents you, as a horsewoman full of thoughts, dreams, goals, and desires. The blank pages are your portal to be heard, uncover and understand yourself better.
How Journaling Helps??
check out some other articles that journaling can become apart of. mindset, gratitude staying focued
This journal a birthday gift from my brother! I didn’t think I needed it but its been used for all my more personal writing and discoveries. I use it in the evening when I am decluttering my mind, gaining clarity on all that is. The things I’ve written in here have been very enlightening.
It’s race day, the early morning sun is shining, horses are eating and all is well. We haven’t competed yet so we have nothing to be angry, upset or disappointed with. We are in a place of optimism, possibilities and potential, “yay I think I am really going to crush it today”.
Then, we get on our horse, things start to go south. They’re hot and anxious, they’re distracted, they’re anything we don’t necessarily want them to be in order to perform well. All of a sudden, your mood has done a 180 along with your vision of the day. You’re now getting tense with your horse. Your smile is now a tight, clenched jaw and your eyes are staring at your horse with anger and frustration like why aren’t you doing what I want you to do?!! (side note, it isn’t all about what YOU want THEM to do) moving on though..
Before you know it, you are taking a back seat to your emotions and you’re allowing your horse to control how you feel about yourself and the situation. Your body and mind don’t lie. When physical aspects of ourselves change, so does our mind, that’s why they say it is impossible to be tense in your face and also be relaxed. (give it a try). Open your mouth, take your tongue off the roof of your mouth and relax the lower part of your face. Feel better?
So what does this have to do with anything?
I see often, riders developing a sour attitude, being overly serious and taking out their new emotional frustration on their horses. Things don’t always go to plan, horses are horses after all and competition brings so many uncertain elements that we simply cannot control every aspect of.
We are leaders, I preach this often. We have to approach the situation how we want our horses to be as well. That means relaxed, focused, present, light and soft etc. It is one race, one competition. It’s not the end of the world if every element didn’t go to your plan.In life nothing really does, so take it as a life lesson and learn to adapt to change however it’s going to come. Being able to be resilient in new situations will give you an advantage in the show arena.
Next race day I want you to be aware of how your horse influences you and how you influence your horses.
If your horse is acting less than ideal, how are you managing yourself to take back control of yourself? Are you going down to their level and becoming the rider you didn’t want to be in the morning? Are you getting quick and aggressive with your hands because your horse is “misbehaving”? “Are you being the example?
That can mean you hit a barrel today, that’s ok. We have to gracefully accept it. We have to trust ourselves and our horses, we have to allow the results to happen however they’re going to happen, we can’t control that. But we can control our attitude. We are the leader and we have control over many things, mostly our outlook and how we handle it.
I love horses and competing because the lessons I take into my day to day give me insight into becoming content and fulfilled no matter the uncontrollables that come my way. Next race, I want you to catch yourself getting caught up in the uncontrollables. How are you responding to life and your horses?
This is up to you so please choose the right thing. Choose to accept, choose to go easier on yourself and especially on your horses. They are doing it all for us, it’s only fair to respect their efforts no matter what happens. Pat them, give them love, be the leader, show them by example what it means to love the job and love every good or bad thing that comes with it.
Let’s not be so serious and let’s remember why we show up every day and on weekends.
