The good news is, you don’t need to go buy a horse and learn for 20 years how horses work and how you work with horses. They talk to us like no one else can, they tell us things in ways no one else can. It’s in whispers, in actions, in the subtle gestures that speak loudly to our intuition, only if you are intune enough to hear it. They run in a natural hierarchy just like we do. When we involve ourselves in their pack, we have to let them know where we sit on the totem pole. Which, for everyone’s sake and safety, we should be in the top spot. We are the leaders.
But that’s not always the case, some riders allow the horses to take control. If horses have the opportunity they will take the mile you thought was only an inch.. The saying goes “give them an inch and they will take a mile.” I’m sure that phrase has been used in more ways than one. However in my experience with training horses, that saying has always been true.
But, horses are usually incredibly submissive creatures.. They want to please and once they’re “broke” they will do almost anything you ask, work all day, no major complaints coming from their end.. Because, you know, they cant speak after all.
What does that mean for us? We have a lot more control and say than we think we do. We are the leaders. With that, comes a lot more responsibility to get the desired outcome we want. For me, it is training a horse to turn around three barrels as fast as possible. It sounds easy, you just pull here, pull there, slow down, make the turn and so on. The horse can run fast, what’s the problem? How hard can it truly be?
Well, to answer that question I have a question to ask first –
When was the last time you performed a task at peak performance and detail, without verbally communicating with your partner? Did you find one? Ok cool, now a step further? How about they’re not human and dont have a human brain to process the task in a way you do, they don’t just not speak like you do, they don’t even resemble the same language you do. They are very un-relatable as far as understanding the purpose and the mission of their tasks. They don’t think about the future, they don’t make goals, they don’t have interior motives. These are all things that make horses amazing and on the contrary, also very difficult to become a successful team with. But it’s definitely not impossible and once you develop that togetherness with a horse, you spread these wings of freedom and of pureness that will take you far in the sand arena and in every arena of your life. .
Throughout my experience working with horses, I have learnt more about myself. Throughout all the failures, the successes, the setbacks, the let downs, the tears, the overwhelming joy of finally getting the results I wanted; I learnt how to handle it all within my time with these horses.
In this series, I am here to teach you all the lessons these animals have given me. I love when lessons learnt in one area of my life can relate to other aspects. It’s so cool how connected, seemingly opposite things are. In some sense, it’s the yin and yang to life. I have realized, these principles apply to almost anyone. I am here to share how we can apply these teachings I learnt through my life with horses.
Do you ever state a fact as permanent even though it is really only temporary? Or declare something you do as “its you” do be like that” or its your horse “to always act in a certain way”? An example being “I never feel fully prepared for competitions” or use your own circumstances to fill in the blank.
Those are beliefs that are limiting you into a small space of your own creation. It’s a bubble you are stuck in based on your current status. How we talk to ourselves matters. How we talk about everything matters!
Our outlook can be created on a few things. Either the beliefs of our society telling us what is right and wrong and it’s created by our own representation of past events that have happened and are shaping our view of reality.
The first, limiting beliefs because of our social walls created by simply being human. We are supposed to do this and that but only at “that time” in our lives. But who’s decided that it’s truly right for us? The only ones who know us best are ourselves. We know when we have limiting beliefs because they don’t sit right. You feel uneasy being small, you know you have more to offer. If you are to strip off that barrier that has been created you would feel the sense of liberation that anything is possible for you. The world opens up because you are not tied to those beliefs anymore. Wouldn’t that sense of control feel liberating? You’ll feel that sense of excitement for the future because you realize it is yours to create!
Now the other. The limiting beliefs we put on ourselves. It can almost be harder to understand and dissolve than the beliefs society brings. Everything we have been through has shaped us unwillingly into who we are today. We only have two options in the matter, how we understand it and how we allow it to affect us.
Let’s say, in a riding sense. You seem to struggle with your first barrel turn. Do you think telling yourself “I always struggle with my first barrel” is going to allow you to stop struggling? Or will it only feed into the belief that “I always struggle with first”? What do you think is going to happen moving forward? My guess is that you will continue to struggle until you change your narrative. Inorder to truly move forward into the future you want, you have to let go of that belief that’s holding you back into your past experiences.
The awesome thing with our own limiting beliefs is we always have The control. We can choose how we view a situation and we can decide how we talk to ourselves moving forward to the next one. Every race or competition or day is a new chance for change. It starts with our beliefs.
This month I have a challenge. Notice all the limiting beliefs you tell yourself and the once society puts on you. I want you to write them down and write down how they make you feel internally. Go deep, take time to really listen to yourself. Once you write down what they have been in the past. Now write down how you would feel without those beliefs. How would your outlook change? What would you do differently? Really visualize your future as true to you as possible. I want you to feel it. Once it’s been established, remember it. Make the decision daily on how you are going to take control of your beliefs and show up in a way that sits right for you. You are the most important being in your life, make sure you honor your true beliefs by bringing more awareness to them all. The next step is always forward!
The end of that “what if” can go in any way imaginable.. and it usually does. Our imagination storms up thoughts and stories of events in the future that will likely only happen in our minds. But why is it so negative? Why do we get these thought that don’t serve us? How can we alter the way we view these intrusive thoughts to become at ease with the possibilities of EVERYTHING. This is how me, as a human first, barrel racer second have looked at these “what if” stories I’ve been telling myself and changed the narrative for the better.
Reasons why “what if” is ruining your moments
It makes you distracted. Spending energy debating the likelihood of a bad thing happening, then going through all the potential actions you’d take is a big distraction. We are using up our precious brain energy being focused on something other then the reality that is. The reality of the present moment is gone through your imagination of what if. It becomes a foggy place for our brain and perspective to be. Getting lost in those stories can set us up for pretty obvious results, since we ultimately dictate out actions with our thoughts.
TIP: Becoming grounded and present by observing your thoughts to help see them more clearly and up close. You’re then able to understand what they mean, which makes them a little less scary.
An example from a competitor standpoint.
If I were approaching an event with the visions of all the variables involved in my success. I guarantee I would not be focused on what to actually do in the moment of my performance. Feeling less connected to the present moment is always a negative when it comes to competition. Anxiety, nerves, uncertainty are all side effects that will set us up for a less than ideal performance. Trust me, I know.
Now, from a human standpoint
“What If” can look like major anxiety. It’s really unsettling to be fighting with your brain about a false, futuristic reality before anything has even happened. Have you ever gotten mad because you just thought of something happening, or someone being unfair? Thanks to our minds running wild, im sure we can all answer, yes. Getting grounded in the now can help put some of those thoughts to rest. Mindfulness and awareness is key to understanding and taking back control of your thoughts.
Start there. Start by taking the time to be with your thoughts. Learn about them, what are they telling you?
There so many things that can go wrong but there’s also so manythingsthat can go right!
Have you heard the saying that goes along the lines of “what if it doesn’t work, but darlinggggg what if it does!?” We cannot ERASE thoughts, but what we can do is REPLACE them with more positive ones.
Example: What if I hit a barrel? What if im late? What if they don’t like me? What if I forget something important? What if I prove it to myself that I am prepared for this moment? What if I allow what is going to happen happen? What if I will be ok with it no mater what? What if, even if I fail, I will still be happy I tried. What if, I know I am prepared and thats all I can ask for from myself. What if it turns out better than I could have even expected? The possibilities of “what if” can be beautiful if we allow it to be.
My story
I have seen it change how I approach the relationship with myself and others. I naturally am a bit of a skeptic, I need to see it to truly believe it and even then, that isn’t always enough. I allow my brain to decide how I feel and how I should feel in the future. It involves someone or something else out of my control. As a perfectionist and over controller, both things I am working on. I realize so many things are out of my control. I need to become as peace with that. I need to always work on me, be happy within myself so the outcomes don’t affect me as much as they could. I am choosing to let go of the ideals I’ve had and will continue to have about the future. I am choosing now. I am choosing to be ok with outcomes as long as I stay true to myself.
Just realizing is a good step in the right direction of taking power back from these intrusive thoughts. What might happen is out of out control. How someone acts is out of out control. But, what we do have control over is realizing when we get into a whirlwind of these intrusive thoughts. Simple notice them and say “hey, I hear you up there! That’s not the story I choose to see or believe right now. We don’t know it true and I cannot control the future outcomes anyways”. Notice yourself. Notice your thought patterns in different situations and different relationships in your life, humans or horses. How we respond is telling us everything we need to know about ourselves. Just listen to it.
This is more about intrusive thought. This is about learning about you. Why are you being triggered? What is your trauma of your past trying to protect you of now? Is it important? Is it serving you now? Will it serve you in the future?
Asking these types of questions will help you take power back from the stories we unwillingly keep telling ourselves. Realize you are not alone and realize you can control these for the better, for a happier more grounded self. You will be amazed how the joy of the present moment can change your perspectives of the future. Allow it to be!
Be in the now, focus on the control you have and take everything in stride. You are stronger then you realize.
Have you ever been completely overwhelmed with feelings, your body shuts off from them. It’s the place where denial and acceptance becomes so hard.
We can’t even accept the feelings pouring into us like a flood gate opened that cannot be reversed. The fact time never stops, can’t be reversed like the water that’s now pouring all over the life you once knew. The dreams and visions you once had are gone.
Realizing the mistakes you made cannot be reversed. You’re now stuck with the lessons and “why me” thoughts that only leave in time.
Time is a weird thing. We hate that it doesn’t stop, but the only way we heal is with it. We need it yet we hate it.
I hate time. I needed more time. I didn’t need to learn this lessons now. I’ve learnt so much. So many flood gates of water opened to a new reality of my life. but why. Why me. Why this. Why did it have to be that way?
You’ll never know. All you know is now we are here, the time is gone. The things have happened and you are here trying to process the feelings.
Open yourself up. The new reality is here and you cannot fight it. We must accept it. We have to accept it.
Here is to allowing time to change us, change our future and make us who we are destined to become.
Reflecting on the first 3 day race of the year. You could sense it in the air that everyone was so happy to get out, connect with each other and their horses.
The moments I want to talk about, as I look down to my leg with a few new barrel knocking scapes is this:
We can be our worst enemy. We think the thoughts of others and we tend to assume the worst. We think “they’re” watching our every move and they’re full of judgement. I’m here to say this, no one cares as much as you think they do. We are all trying out here and it all looks different. Nothing about each rider is completely alike so we cannot expect to be someone or somewhere we are not meant to be right now. Just know you are not alone. We are all facing some sort of difficulties. We are fully in this together.
Now back to the leg with new barrel bruises and scrapes; Embrace that. Even though it sucks to hit a barrel and we all feel we are capable of doing better. Make sure you don’t forget to still appreciate your efforts. That cut on your leg is the proof you’re trying. You’re in the arena which is a victory within it self. Celebrate that.
Cheering for others, supporting others and loving others will come back to you. It cost you nothing to smile, to say congrats, to tell someone they’re doing great, even when you know they don’t believe what you’re telling them. Be a reason someone notices the things they’ve done right, or begins to appreciates their horse a bit more. The domino effect is real, pass on your energy so they can become that reason for someone else too. Supporting, cheering, collaborating with others creates a community full of positivity and encouragement. We can all cheer for one another.
Take every opportunity to learn. Every run is a new chance to figure something out. Do it for you. Don’t think you need to know it all by now. You are still growing and you are still learning. As long as you’re breathing, you’re going to be learning. Give yourself a break in this moment and know the lessons learnt now are preparing you for the future you desire. We take small steps, the 1% everyday. Don’t think you need to know it all now. Enjoy the run with the expectations of experiencing it and you are learning from it.
Yes, I see you. I see you killing it. I am genuinely happy for you and your success with these horses. It is no small feat to become an amazing team with these animals. We literally sit on their back and control them enough to go through a barrel pattern.
Control them enough, but not right.. not enough control, too much control, not the proper headgear, too stiff, not stiff enough, too much rate, not enough rate, ok were bent, its in the wrong places now, oh wait. I don’t know.
It’s no wonder why this sport, that can look so effortless is so not effortless. We all work hard ok. Why does she and he seem to always get it right? Why is he able to start horses so perfect with no steps backwards? That horse and rider keep progressing just as those damn training videos online intended.
We try our faces off. We try our hands to calluses and wrinkles. We try with over heating and sunburns for days. We try with this horse, we try with that horse. We just try. And yet, sometimes it is just so damn hard. It’s hard to get the balance we need in order to look effortless. The right gear, the right training, the right mindset, the right physical abilities of both horse and rider. The balance is the key to our success. No wonder why it takes years of hard trying to figure our this game of training and running barrel horses.
When set backs present themselves, and trust me they do. What’s a girl supposed to do?
Grit her way through the constant feeling of unworthiness? Or maybe watch a few more training videos because at this point all second guessing our abilities thus far has come creeping in, do we even know what the hell were doing on this horse anymore? What is even what!?
That “what” is hard. That is the hard I am referring to. The hard self reflection, the hard realizations, the hard competitions, the hard comparisons, it’s all just freaking hard.
I am not going to waver though and I am not going to pretend it’s any other way. That would be a lie and a fake image I’m trying to portray to others who are feeling the hardness of this game as well. We are not alone in this. I feel it, sometimes more then I want. I wonder, what is this bullshit trying to teach me now? I already feel like I am below earth, why try to ground me down even more? I AM HERE, OK. Give this poor trying girl a break..Can it just be easier yet?
When life throws us curves and who knows, maybe even stones, or a boulder. What is the reaction you want to give off into the universe?
If I go to the place of my own mental bullying, then that will always win. My own dumb thoughts of negativity saying i’m not goo enough, I don’t think I’ll ever get it right, what are you even doing here, you try so hard and yet, look.. What do you have, Shelby?! YA, thoughts can be so dumb.
What I really need to do is remember.
For someone who has a terrible memory, this gift and curse of mine needs to be put in check from time to time. I need to remember MORE! More goodness, more joy and just more of ME. Me being awesome, me being proud of myself, me trying and not giving up no matter what, my accomplishments and all the history of this being that I am. At the end of the day, at the end of time, Me is all I have.
Remember that shit. Remember that time you dropped your life to move to the USA to work for trainers in order to learn and grow as a human and rider? Ya, I do. Remember the time you took this horse and made it something someone else wanted to buy? Yes. Remember that your life is worth living and you have the opportunity to make with it what you want?!!! Yes, I do remember that. Remember the birds, the moon, your dog, your horse, your fields, your friends, your support system.. YOU! Do you remember YOU?
If you’re going to try anything, try remembering more. More of you. The challenges you have faced already, the ones you have overcome.
You have done it! You can freaken do it again. You’ve done it before, you can and you will overcome this hardness again.
Life isn’t easy, don’t even try to change that because you simply can’t. Just like you can’t change your horse in one run or the placement of the moon. These things take time and if you’re reading this, lucky for you, you have the gift of time. Remember how rewarding the hard process is when the other side welcomes you with open arms. When you can finally say “Look! We did it.”
Hard = Learning and what are we without it? We can do the hard things. We can overcome it and we can win!
Give me your thoughts! Leave a comment. I want to hear you say “we can do hard things”
I’m going to let whatever happen, happen. Im going to try my best, I am going to water my dream everyday. I’m not in control of the outcomes, as long as I continue to nurture toward this and feel it. Want it so bad that you let it go. You want that thing so bad, but you have to let it happen when its going to happen. You need to focus on how you’re going to be prepared, how you’re going to show up for it when the times comes. How you’re going to water the dream. Water who you need to become.
I am going to be okay today. I am going to allow the day to play out. I am going to do what I feel is right for myself and others and my horses. Because that is what I have control over in this moment, to water, nurture my bigger plans.
I am going to show up today, ready, prepared and focusing on me and allowing my horse to take me through he pattern we’ve been working towards all year. Allow my thoughts and body to work together in the way that I’ve been preparing. I am not fixated on the results as they don’t really matter, they don’t define me as good or bad. There’s something bigger in store later on- not even success, just contentment. Being content with what’s going to happen, and allowing that to happen, how its meant to happen and enjoying it no matter what. Just enjoying being here and the life you have because, you have so much to be grateful for. And you actually have the chance. Because so many of us have gone, either they literally have passed, or them not fulfilling their own life missions is a form of passing.
Reputation is not created by your own thoughts about who you are. It is developed by continuously striving to be a decent human in society. Someone of their word, someone of good character, a person of honesty and so on will have naturally developed a positive reputation.
People in the horse business need to put heavy importance on this. We depend on our reputation every day and we also work on it every day, realizing it or not. Building a good reputation takes years to build and almost no time to lose.
In this business, word travels faster then thoughts. Nothing is hidden and the fact or fiction become scrambled through the translation of others. Who you have shown up as everyday will give you the reassurance that you know exactly who you are and who you are not.
People that want to bring down someone else’s reputation shows the direct corelotation to their own insecurities and beliefs. The ones that are too caught up with what others are accomplishing are the ones who feel unacomplished themselves.
The jealous, angry, envious or devious are not who we need in the horse world. Deep underlying issues bring out these characteristics and motives in a scheme to make them feel superior, even when they’re not. It is known that bringing others down, will not lift you higher.
We need people in the horse business to be lifting up, for all of us!
Lets’s be good to one another, after all, we all love horses for the same reasons. Let’s ignore our differences and focus on what we all have in common.
Build up others to build up yourself, our repuations are depending on it.
If you liked this, Please check out the other episodes!
When you start to appreciate things for what they are and not what they’re not, your mind takes a shift.
I’ve personally experienced that with my riding and my sport performance has changed for the better. The thing about gratitude is it’s the quality of being thankful, a readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. The other components of gratitude is appreciating and acknowledging that there have been external forces that have influenced our lives in a positive way.
We’re acknowledging where we are right now. And people use religion in the sense where you’re exactly where you need to be. God has placed you where you’re meant to be right now and has put these obstacles in your way for you to overcome and become who you’re truly meant to be. And I totally feel that, that we’re allowing those forces to tell us everything happens for a reason. We only have right now, nothing is for granted and nothing’s for certain.
How to Practice Gratitude
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I really feel like when I’m going to a race and I’m being envious of other people, I’m ignoring what I have. I’m looking at what other people have and I’m ignoring myself and the fact that I’m on a gorgeous horse that is bred to run barrels. Without gratitude, you ignore your uniqueness, your abilities and your blessings.
Look down at your amazing horse and partner and appreciate them right now. Let’s go into the arena, let’s not care what happens as long as I have fun and I enjoy my horse right now.
Don’t think about the future of what could happen or might happen, but be right “now” and just enjoy now having gratitude and thanks for what you have right now. “I am so thankful for my horses, they’ve helped me accomplish so many things. They’ve taught me life lessons that they will never know. I can focus on that when I’m going down the alley, I can smile and tell myself I’m just going to go have fun.”
I just changed my mindset. I looked at what I have. I realize that I’m very fortunate. You know, I might not have some things that I wish I did, but right where I am right now, I can’t complain. I’m exactly where I need to be, to become who I really want to become. And I’m embracing those setbacks. I’m embracing the bad times, I’ve gone through to get me where I am and I know it’s still not over. There’s so much more to overcome and realize in life. But for now I’m choosing “now” I’m choosing that things might be gone. Time will slip faster than I think anyone realizes. You miss out on it, but realizing what you have at this exact moment might be gone forever. And wow, like what an eye opening thought to have.
One things that helped me: Realizing I never celebrated small wins. Not acknowledging those little victories that you have with yourself can do a lot of damage. I never realized or thought I was getting anywhere. I would put in the work, but I felt defeated because I never gave myself the time to sit down and actually look at the wins I have been making. If you don’t take the time to evaluate yourself and look at your actual progress, you don’t acknowledge them.
We need to know how far we’ve come in order to keep growing and to keep positive. We need to know where we started from and how incredibly awesome is to be where we are right now, because that is an accomplishment. If you don’t see it, it means we need to sit down and think, and look at the small wins. What are your small wins of the day, the month, year, life, and remember those.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself once a week.
The best practice is to journal every night, ask yourself even a few of these questions.
What did you do well today?
For me conducting this podcast, it’s really hard to stay on a schedule and I’ve been struggling, but I’m still happy that I’m doing it. And that’s something that went well for me. I’m proud of myself for it because I had a chisel out that time in my day to sit down and record, edit and make ready for you. And I’m really grateful that I’m able to provide hopefully some value for you and maybe give you a different perspective on things to help you along your own journey. So that’s one thing I did well today.
What am I grateful for today?
I am grateful for the fact that it’s not winter. I can still go out and ride my horse. The grass is still green. I have a horse to ride. I have a car I can drive. I am grateful for my mom, my travel partner, going to barrel races. I’m grateful for barrel races. The world siituation this 2020 has really changed so many things for our lives this year. I literally went to a show last weekend and I was so grateful to be there. I was thinking “I don’t even hardly care how I do, I’m just so happy we have a barrel race!” because I thought we were done for the year.
I’m so freaking grateful to have barrel races, which I’m sure a lot of you guys can relate to that one.
What is a small win I can celebrate for me?
My small win is that I went to the gym this morning. It’s a small thing, but I still did it. It’s been getting easier because I’ve been adapting to a schedule to and it does make a lot of difference when it becomes more of a habit. Whatever it is to you, when you actually schedule it in and you follow through, that is a win!
“I did something I told myself I was going to do and I followed through with myself. I was accountable to me.”
We are accountable to other people. But what do you do for yourself? When you tell yourself you want to do something? Do you follow through or do you literally blow yourself off. You want to do it for yourself to improve yourself and you literally stood yourself up.
So my small win is that I followed through with what I said I wanted to do with the good intention of taking care of my body and improving myself. I followed through and that is definitely a small one that I can celebrate today and this week.
What is one compliment you would tell yourself?
It’s not really a question, but think of a compliment. You can give yourself.
This is not an easy thing to answer. One thing that I would say that I’m proud of myself for is when I was struggling with riding, I wasn’t afraid to ask for help and to put myself in the position of “hi, I don’t know everything. Can you please help” and i was actually open minded to hear different inputs and different viewpoints and ideas that might really help me. So I’m proud of myself for going out and reaching out to get some help and guidance.
What is one thing that you can look back on and love about your journey so far?
For me, the whole internship thing. I love that story. It’s a lengthy, long one. A lot of things went down. It was amazing and also garbage at the same time. There are so many highs and there’s so many lows. I walked away with such a different perspective on so many things, not even necessarily horse related.
That whole internship experience that I went through might be my favorite. Like I’m happy I did it looking back. I put myself in those bad situations and I came through it way better. On the other side, a different person, a stronger person, a more well rounded, educated person and I wouldn’t change that. And that’s one thing that I totally love about my journey so far. It was incredible.
So, what is your own favourite?
It’s not over, you still got your journey, but at this moment in time, what is a one highlight experience that you’ve gone through that you love?
I just love these exercises as well. I think this just helps put things into perspective and I really hope it does for you. I really hope you’re able to get something from the bit of research that I did and also sharing my own experience. I hope you can take something away that is beneficial, that will help you along your own journey as well.
So I wanted to talk about one thing I realized when I was just observing the world one day. I’m seeing people and how they show up into the world. When I went on my internship experience, I learned a lot. The one thing that I think was super important is the ability to make yourself available for opportunity!
That sounds a little odd I think, but hear me out.
If you show up somewhere and you’re not prepared or planning on something amazing happen, do you think there’s a chance of something like that actually happening? It 100% starts with you and where you’re at, and what you want to get out of something or a given situation.
So on my trip, that was a main goal of mine, I really wanted to put my best step forward, always be available for learning and meeting people and seeing how they could help me transition through my trip. I was totally by myself and I really did need the help of other people to get myself around and get through it.
That was kind of a big piece of my puzzle going down in the States and definitely just when I was watching people; cause I do that sometimes. I was just seeing, seeing how they’re showing up. Like if they show up ready to tackle whatever comes up and you can tell by their presence.
I know you don’t want to judge people how they dress, but I mean if they’re dressed polished, it shows! I thought of, it like it’s their interview or their first day on the job, they’re going to show up like they’re 100% self and people lose that. People after a year they start to lose that. Or, they are in a relationship. And then after a year you get comfortable and then you kind of start losing that or after you’re done school and everything, you’re just working, you lose that ability to really try.
Be the best person you can by showing up like its your first day of work or your first day of school or your interview before I even got the job.
You show up as your 110% person and why does that change? I honestly think it’s something I work on as I don’t want to lose that. When I go out or when I’m doing anything, even with these videos, I want it to be the best and I want to be the best in it. I want to keep striving to get there and I think we should take every day as it’s our first day on the job.
I think with that, you can learn a lot more than you thought was possible. You just have to open yourself up and be willing and available to have those opportunities come up. You never know what can happen to you because you were prepared for something. You could have met someone that totally changed your life. So, I think every day should be “interview day”. And if you have any thoughts on that, please let me know.
Please subscribe, comment, do whatever.. But I will talk to you later!
